You don't know what you have till its gone
by jedi-watchman1
Summary: Set after season 5. Amy is in New York but is having second thoughts about her decision to leave John... and Ricky. Follow them as thier journey continues, just as they find their way back into each others arms. Something happens that could tear it apart. CHAPTER 10IS UP
1. Regrets

**Amy's Pov**

She missed him! She didn't know why. She thought she wasn't in love with him but maybe she had been lying to herself because she was in too deep and got scared. She had run away. Like Ricky had done all his life but now she had done it to him. How could she have this, she hurt the person she cared for most in the world apart from John. The person she had wanted to spend the rest of her life, because she got scared and wanted to try something new. Why had she said she was sick of being a mother she missed John more than anything, why did I leave, she thought.

Sure she loved being in New York and her apartment which ben's father had brought for her was amazing but she felt lonely in it as it was bigger than the place above the butchers where she had lived with Ricky and John. She just wasn't use to all the space, sure Ben was about but he stuck to the top floor mainly.

In the month they had been in New York, they had been out on a couple of dates together, things were moving slowly. She had just said goodbye to him from having dinner out at a small Pizzeria just around the corner. As they had said their good nights and she was about to make her way to head downstairs to the basement, when Ben leant forward to kiss her, for the first time since she broke up with him in New York almost 3 years ago. As their lips locked and his hand came up to touch her face pushing her hair back, she pushed forward kissing back. She had missed that interaction with somebody.

"I love you, Amy!" he had blurted out suddenly as he pulled staring into the eyes.

She hadn't quite known what to say to that, when she had left Ricky, she had thought she still loved Ben from all that time ago when they had been together, but that kissed may have proved her wrong. She didn't feel any sparks or energy the way she had when she kissed Ben when they were in love, she didn't want him the way she had wanted Ricky whenever they had made out. Ben was a lovely guy, or he once was but High School had changed him and she could understand why after everything he had been through.

She was sitting on her couch in the lounge not really paying attention to the late night talk show that was on, as she was mulling things over slowly in her mind. She needed to talk to him, she needed to see him, she need to see her son as well. They spoke via phone at least once a week sometimes more, but what she really enjoyed doing was video calling him as she got see him.

She darted for her phone which was on the side table, quickly opening it and typing a text, while hoping it wasn't too late or that he had already put John to bed, it was about 11 there in NY so it would only be around 8 in California

_Hey Ricky, I was wondering if you're not too busy to be able to video call me, I really miss John, I want to see him. Hope everything is okay there._

_Luv Amy x_

The text wasn't entirely true; she missed him too but didn't have the courage to write that. They ahd talked since she had left without saying goodbye. He hadn't sounded angry but she couldn't blame him. She wouldn't be surprised if he had hooked up with Clementine by now, she knew Ricky couldn't last long without sex.

She chuckled to herself thinking of when they had first started dating how agitated and frustrated he had been but then he began to romance her rather than push her and it had all been worth it. Ricky had been her first and still the only person she had ever slept with. A buzz from her phone sounded making her loose her trail of thought.

Unlocking her phone she read the text from Ricky.

_Hey Amy_

_Everything is good here, John is well, he really misses you too, I was just about to read him a bed time story and put him to sleep but he heard the phone buzz and asked if it was mommy. He really wants to speak to you, I will video call you in 5 minutes as soon as he brushes his teeth and puts on his pjs._

_Luv Ricky x_

Letting out an excited gasp she rushed to grab her laptop from her bedroom, tightening her dressing gown as she went. It had been almost 3 weeks since she had last done a video call and it made her heart leap to know John was still asking about her.

As skype opened and she logging the call started happening as the annoying music it played blared through her bedroom, she impatiently clicked answer on the screen and a window opened revealing her grinning 3 year old son.

"Momma, I miss you." he said, as sat in his dad's lap, jiggling about, obviously still wide awake, No ready to go to sleep.

"I miss you too, John. Are you enjoying time alone with your daddy?" she smiled sadly, looking longingly at her son and maybe Ricky whom she could see behind him.

"We are having the best time, aren't we John?" Ricky answered, crouching his head down so it was next to John's, hugging him tighter.

"Yeawh, we awe having fuwn," he giggled mischievously, rolling his head about acting rather hyper

"Has daddy been feeding you too much candy?" she asked jokingly putting on a stern face.

At that he jumped up in Ricky's lap and shouted "Candwy, I luv candwy,"

"Okay I think you might have just got me into trouble, time for bed mister," Ricky said looking apologetically at her.

"No, wana speakt to momma,"

"Ahh, I want to speak to you too Joh, but Daddy is there and he is telling you it is time for bed, so bed John."

"Okas, mommy, luv you," he said before Ricky picked him off his lap and put him on the floor and he ran off to his room.

"Mommy loves you too John." She shouted back, praying he could still here her.

"How come I can never get him to bed that quickly," Ricky moaned exasperated, " Your hundreds of miles away and he still listens to you."

"Yeah well, you are the fun parent, where I was strict one," she jested teasingly.

Ricky laughed in front of the camera, "You still are the strict one."

"But I am hardly a parent anymore," she shook her head unhappily, feeling a sense of regret for leaving them.

"Don't beat yourself up, I understand why you left, I wish you hadn't but I understand," Ricky nodded solemnly looking away, "I should go anyway, check that our little rascal is in bed and not playing with his toys. Good Night."

He was about to close his laptop when she blurted out" Ricky wait, I have really missed…" she paused not quite having the courage to say it, " John, I've really missed John and was wondering if you wanted to fly up with him this weekend or next before I officially start College and get even busier."

"Amy," he smiled shaking his head, " You know I would love to and so would John but the cost of the flight and hotel. I just can't afford it."

She bit her lip nervous, she desperately wanted him to come, with John, "You can stay here, there is more than enough room, and I will pay for John's flight, he is my son after all. I have a job here which pays pretty good along with the tips," she offered optimistically, secretly hoping he would say yes.

"Okay Amy, I got to go, I can hear John moving about in there, I will think it over, will let you know tomorrow."

At that she watched Ricky close the computer and again she was left alone.

* * *

><p><strong>Ricky's POV<strong>

As he turned off the laptop, he smiled to himself. He knew it, she still loved him, and he was beginning to think he ahd been wrong, he was in love with her!

**Author's Note**

**Hope everyone liked the first chapter, if people are interested I will continue, probably posting one every week or 2. I just watched all of the series, nearly finished 5 but I know how it ends and was saddened when to find out. This is what I hoped happened after. Please review and comment as they inspire me and make me want to write more**


	2. Some Nights I hardly Sleep

**Ricky's POV**

It was Saturday, the morning after his phone call with Amy, when she had invited him… and John to New York to visit her before college starts again. He was working today so had just got back from dropping John off at his adoptive parents. He enjoyed working in the Butchers shop and Bunny was a understanding and caring boss, well when she wanted to be, he thought, slightly chuckling to himself.

He was busy stacking the shelves when bunny came up to him.

"You look tired, were up all night?" she smirked mischievously.

"Yes but not like that, I don't sleep that well any more, ever since…" he trailed off, he couldn't say her name he was trying to get over her. He'd chickened out, he had told her he wasn't in love with her, but now he knew or suspected he had been lying to himself. Maybe it was from the fear of spending the rest of his life with one person that had made him say the thing which had made Amy not want to marry him anymore and caused him this pain which he felt basically all the time.

Well apart from when he was talking to her, the one thing he was missing, the one person who could heal this pain just by talking to him.

"Sorry Ricky, I know it must be tough looking after John on your own, if you need anything let me know and I will see what I can do," assured Bunny supportively patting his back then was about to walk away to go check on a customer when he decided to speak up.

"Thanks Bunny, that means a lot, there was something actually, could I possibly have this coming weekend off," he probed, not sure what she would say.

"A bit short notice isn't it, what it's for, spend some time with John?"

"Sort of, Amy had asked if I could bring John up to New York, she really misses him you see, and he misses his mommy to."

"Yeah and I bet he's not the only one who misses her, I'll see what I can do, I'll let you know at the end of the shift."

"Thanks Bunny, that means a lot."

* * *

><p><span><strong>Amy's POV<strong>

"You said he could what?" Ben exclaimed rather irately and loudly, causing other customers in the coffee shop where she worked to turn around all of the staring at them.

"Sshh, keep you voice down, I don't want to get in trouble with my boss, I need this job," she hissed putting the coffee ben Hard ordered down in front of him.

"But you told Ricky he could stay the night, you should have consulted me first," Ben insisted, looking up at her, as she stood over him, hand on hip.

"Why Ben, Don't say cause it's your apartment, it's not, it's your dads and he said I could live in the basement level, which is pretty large. We share the middle level and you have the upper floor. If I want Ricky and my son John to stay for the weekend, they can don't argue."

"But Amy, we're dating, I just think it's a bit disrespectful to have your ex-fiancé staying."

"Ben," she cursed in frustration, "We are not dating, we have been on a couple of dates and kissed once and if you keep acting like this we won't be going on anymore. He may be my ex-fiancé but he is also the father of my son that is something that will never go away. So deal with it." With that she stormed off back to the counter to continue working, leaving Ben sitting there moping.

* * *

><p><strong>Ricky's POV<strong>

"Ricky, good to see you, I just spoke to Bunny, she said you wanted next weekend off, to go visit Amy in New York."

He turned around to see Leo standing there, he had obviously come in to check in on the shop before it closed.

"Hi Mr Boykewich, Yeah well Amy misses John and wanted me to bring him up before she starts college."

"Or is that just an excuse to see you, and I have told me call me Leo."

"I don't know, all I know is that since Amy has left, some nights I hardly sleep. But I don't feel comfortable talking about this with you. I know you want Ben and Amy to get back together, that's why you brought them the apartment."

"No, Ricky, That's not what I want at all. I want what's best for people. Amy needed time to think and wanted to go to college, I helped her out, the same with Ben. If you and Amy get back together or Ben and Amy get together, it doesn't matter as long as you're happy."

"Thanks Leo, but I think I finally realise now that I won't be happy without Amy in my life in some capacity."

"I knew that already, son. I remember the way you looked at her. When I heard that you said you only cared about her and weren't in love with her. I knew you were lying. You got scared, that is understandable. For someone your age you have been through so much. Look here's what I am going to do. It's Amy's Birthday this week is it not?" Leo inquired.

"Yeah, Wednesday," Ricky confirmed, wondering where this was going.

"You can have the weekend off, I will book a flight for you and John, leaving Friday morning and you can leave Sunday Evening. Tell Amy it's her birthday present from me."

"Mr Boy…. Leo, I can't accept that, it should be my responsibility to pay for the tickets, you've already done so much for me, Amy and John."

"Don't worry about it, say Hi to Amy for me, and promise me you and Ben will be friends"

"Thank you Leo, I promise" he said smiling, heaving a sigh of relief in a week he would be seeing her again.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Amy's POV<span>**

She hadn't spoken to Ben the rest of the day since he left the café. She left work and arrived back at their apartment to find no sign of him waiting for him, which she was relieved by. She was still too angry to speak, or fight with him as it would probably turn out. She walked down stairs and flung her phone on the side, sprawling out on the couch exhausted, falling asleep almost straight away.

She awoke with a buzz, as her phone started ringing, she looked at the time it was only 9 here, so it would be about 5 there. She knew whom it would be before she saw the caller Id.

Ricky!

"Hey Ricky, what's up?" trying not to sound too excited when she spoke to him.

"We're coming up next weekend I got ti off work!" At that she let out a thrilled scream.

"Oh my god, I love you thank you," she blurted out without realising it

"Did you just say you love me?" she heard Ricky asked slowly.

"Ye- yea- ah , y-y-y-ou know what I mean, like a brother, you are still the father of my son." she lied nervously , stuttering as she did, quickly changing the subject, "When do you arrive, and how much do I owe you, I have the whole weekend off so it is not a problem when?"

"We arrive midday, shall I come to your apartment or did you want to meet us at the airport. Also you owe me nothing, Leo Boykewich paid for the tickets. I didn't ask him to. He offered, as a birthday present to you."

"What, that's so kind of him, but that might make Ben even angrier, he was annoyed today when he found out that I offered for you to stay as well as John."

"Look I understand why, if you want I can book a hotel and John can stay with you."

"No, No, No, this is my apartment to, there is plenty of space on my floor, come and stay. Ben will just have to deal with it," she said hurriedly not wanting him to back out. She hoped he wanted to spend time with her to.

"Okay if you're sure." Said Ricky, "Good Night, I got to go cook dinner."

"I'm sure, good night, see you in a week."

As she hung up, she put her head in her hands, why did she say she loved him, she did but this was too soon, hopefully he brought the excuse.

* * *

><p><strong>Ricky's POV<strong>

As he hung up the phone, he smiled to himself, she said she loved him. Did she forget she had used that excuse once before right before she went to New York last time and they got together a few weeks later. He grinned shaking his head, walking to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

Tonight hopefully he would sleep properly.

**Author's Note**

Hope people are enjoying my story, please review, favourite or follow if you like to. I will try and update at least once a week maybe more. Please let me know any criticism, suggestions or comments you have of the story.


	3. Be a family again?

**Amy's POV**

Today was the day, a taxi would be here in 5 minutes, there plane would be landing in an hours and in just over that she would be seeing Ricky and John again. She was so excited, she was in middle of finishing off her makeup, when a knock at the door to her bedroom sounded.

There was only one person who it would be: Ben!

They had barely spoken since the argument in the café, She did care about Ben, but she didn't think she did in the way he wanted. He was her first love, but unfortunately they weren't living in a fairy tale and first loves didn't always last.

"Come in Ben it's fine."

"Hey Amy, I want to apologise, I keep forgetting that we're not together even though I may want us to be. Ricky is friend, I just sometimes wish none of this happened, Would you and I have stayed together if you didn't get pregnant."

She looked at Ben sadly, " I don't Ben, I don't want to think about what if's though, we got to deal with what is. I learnt that from the mistake with the E-diary. I do care about you Ben, you have been there a lot for me in all these years, helping with John, supporting me and my dreams, this apartment and I am grateful to you and your father for that but right now you're a friend, a good friend. You're like a brother. I know that's not what you want to hear, I'm sorry."

She got up gave Ben a hug, "I got to go, I'm meeting them at the airport and I apologise for getting so angry at you the other day"

"Thanks, but I was out of line. Have a good day with Ricky and John, I look forward to seeing them this evening." Ben said sounding rather sincere, which surprised her, was he finally growing up, was she finally growing up?

* * *

><p>She finally arrived at the airport after taxi ride took a bit longer than expected, she missed not having her own car in New York, but with the amount of traffic and lights and confusion of streets it was much easier to catch the subway or Taxis.<p>

She hopped out of the Taxi excitedly after paying the fare, she almost sprinted to the arrival section and hastily scanned the screen looking for the flight arriving at 11:04 in the morning from Californa

It had just gone 11, and she it had just landed slightly early, they should be going the security and baggage claim about now, she kept her eyes open at the gate waiting for them to come out. She could not wait to see them.

She quickly text Ricky: _I am at the Airport, right by exit gate from baggage claim, see you in a min._

_Amy x_

No reply came but then she heard a squeaky voice, and a small boy running ahead of a guy pulling a large suitcase.

HE was as cute as she remembered, with his short brown hair, and cute smile.

"John, sweetie, over here Mommy is here!"

He ran over screaming "Momma, Momma, I missed you. Mommy, I flew, we were flying Mommy, it was amazing" he leapt into her out stretch arms and she picked him up hugging him closely, and kissing him on the cheek,.

" That's wonderful, I've missed you too, John, So Much," she cried and she hugged him even tighter, swing him around. She then lifted her face from where it was buried in the hug, and saw Ricky standing there smiling.

She looked at him and saw him look back, not quite sure what to say, them moving john so he being held by just one arm, she opened held her left arm out for a hug with Ricky.

"Oh god, I've missed you Amy," he grinned accepting hug and pulling her and John in together and burying his face next to hers.

"It's good to see you Ricky," she whispered into his ear, and I love you she thought. There was so much else she wanted to say but it wasn't the time.

After what seemed like an age they pulled apart.

"You tired, did you want to get some sleep before heading out or grab something to eat."

"No I'm good, I'm use to not getting much sleep remember," he grinned at her with those eyes she loved so much, the way he looked at her reminded her of when they were together, did he feel the same way still about her.

"Ha,ha Ricky, don't make me blush, what about John, how did he do on the flight." She giggled , slightly turning red, using her hand to push her hair back.

"Breakfast would be good, John behaved himself, didn't you little buddy, and you slept most of the way," said Ricky holding his hand for John to high five.

"Well lets drop your stuff off at my place, and then we can head to a café or something," she suggested happily glad they were finally here.

"Yeah sure whatever you want," Ricky replied still looking at her, she kept brushing her hair behind her ears, she didn't reply for a minute or 2 they just kept looking at each other, while john held onto Amy's hand not wanting to let go.

"It's really good to see you Amy," Ricky finally spoke again grinning and pulling Amy in for another long hug, which she gladly accepted.

She felt his body warmth and immediately felt at home once again his arms, I don't want to leave you again Ricky she thought to herself. I want to be a family again!

* * *

><p><strong>Ricky's POV<strong>

It had been a long tiring day, but it also been filled with fun and joy. After having dropped their bags off Amy had taken them, to the café where she worked to grab a quick bite to eat. They had then taken the subway all over New York visiting place like Time Square and had taken a ferry across to Liberty island to see the Statue of Liberty. John had enjoyed the ferry trip, clinging onto the side, laughing as the waves splashed up at him. They had decided not to climb up the statue as they thought John might get too tired, but they had a great time sightseeing. He and Amy were getting along fine, laughing and chatting, no one mentioned the cancelled wedding or the arguments they all that time ago. For the first time since probably the lies about the wedding started happening, he felt like they were a real family again, and he loved that feeling.

It was now early in the evening and they had just arrived back at her apartment, John was in the living room playing with the few toys, Ricky had brought with them.

"Amy, let me, I always cook dinner, you like my food," he begged her, wanting to do something special for her.

"Ricky, no, you're my guests here, you brought John here to see me. You look after him full time now, while I am here on early acceptance at Hudson," she replied back quickly, giving him that stop arguing look she knew all too well.

"Okay, Okay, I give up," he laughed, holding his hands up in mock surrender, "But maybe tomorrow will you let me take you out for dinner, so we can talk.," he faced her, looking directly into each other eyes, it was just like years ago he thought, when they had first started dating and there had been that instant connection. HE reached his hand across to stroke her shoulder, push her hair back behind her ears, as he always use to.

She reddened when he did that, "Uh maybe, but who would look after John, I don't know any baby sitters in the city."

"I can do it if you want," said a voice from the door way. He turned around to see Ben standing there. "Sorry to interrupt what looked like a moment, but I thought I would pop down and say Hi Ricky, if you want me to baby sit tomorrow let me know."

"Thanks Ben for the offer, but we can't ask you to do that, it wouldn't be fair on you," he replied, wondering why Ben helping him go out to dinner with Amy. Last he had heard from Jack, whom had heard it from Chloe, was that Ben was still trying to get back with Amy, they had even been on a few dates.

"I don't mind, anyway let me, I will be upstairs, nice seeing you Ricky," and with that Ben left, leving him standing there. He turned to Amy about to ask what she thought about the idea but she answer before he could speak.

"Yes, he can watch John, I trust him, especially after we talked this morning, mbut Ricky this isn't a date okay."

"Hey," he said defensively "I never said it was." He went over to John o paly with him while Amy was busy cooking dinner, she obviously thought he wasn't looking at her, because she smirked to herself and glanced over at him quickly with those eyes she always use to look at him with.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>

Let me know if you want me to continue, I see a lot of people looking but not a lot of comments. I appreciate reviews, or constructive criticisms suggestions. I will try to post soon. Thank you to everyone whom has already reviewed my story.


	4. Let's talk about you and me

**Amy's POV**

It was now Saturday, she was looking forward for to tonight. It was a date but not a date. She could see that Ricky still had feelings for her just from the way he spoke and looked at her. The only thing she wondered was if those feelings were love or just affection as he had claimed when they broke up a month ago.

She pushed that to back of her mind; right now they were having too much fun, spending time as a family. They were in central park having a picnic together. John was running about chasing pigeons and squirrels and he had loved feeding the ducks left over bread. Herself and Ricky were sitting on the blanket they had brought laughing and smiling as they watched John have the time of his life.

"He is cute isn't he," she said looking at Ricky,

"Of course, he's cute, he's our son but he still run's funny," they both laughed at that, remembered the conversation that they had had last time in New York.

Just then they heard a scream and the sobbing, she looked up and saw John, lying on path crying, he had obviously tripped and hurt himself. She leapt up, running to him but Ricky was as usual faster and got to him first.

"John, mate what's wrong,"

"Stoopid stick, knee hurt," he sobbed, she looked down and saw a nasty graze on his right knee, with a bit of blood coming out.

"Don't cry, sweetie, it's not that bad, be brave, you are a brave boy. Do you want mommy to kiss it better," she asked picking him up and sitting him on her lap.

"Yeah, kiss better."

She leant down giving it a quick kiss and a rub, "See all better, now if you be a brave boy, you can come have some cake."

At that he immediately stopped crying and ran back to the picnic blanket eager for cake.

She and Ricky walked back as well and just as they were about to sit down, she asked Ricky a question that had been on her mind for ages, "What are we now? I mean to each other."

She saw Ricky was a bit taken back by her question, "Lets talk about you and me tonight!, Okay, I think we both have some things to say."

"Yeah we do," she bit her lip, thinking should she tell him, that she thinks she made a mistake leaving him and John to come to New York. No she thought that could wait till tonight, maybe, depending on what he said.

* * *

><p><strong>Ricky's POV<strong>

He had just finished getting ready and was checking himself in the mirror, he was wearing dark jeans, a blue shirt, and a jacket. He wanted to make an effort, he wanted this night to be special, it would be first time they had gone out just the 2 of them really in over 2 months, and he needed this time to talk to her. They needed to talk, he could see from the way she talked to him, that she had something to say.

He was pushed out of that thought when he felt a touched on his shoulder, turning around his face lit up with amazement, standing before him was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. She was in a black v cut strapped dress, showing quite a bit of skin, very similar to the one she had worn on their first official date.. "Wow, just wow," he breathed, looking at her lustfully and lovingly.

"Do I look good?" she asked flirting, giving a quick twirl, and bending her right leg slightly.

"You look absolutely beautiful." He replied sincerely looking at her with his eyes so intently, "You ready to go.?"

"Yeah Ben should be here in a min, and stop staring your making me blush," Amy giggled covering her face slightly.

He grabbed her hand moving it away, "I can't stop, your just so stunning, I've missed seeing your face every day," He could feel her leaning in and did to and was about to kiss her when a knock came at the door, making both of them jump and look at each other rather self-conscious.

Ugh he thought such bad timing, way to ruin the moment Ben.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Amy's POV<strong>

Ricky had taken her to a local Italian restaurant, which she really enjoyed, and it had been going well, they were laughing, joking, chatting and having a good time again. Both them hadn't mentioned the failed wedding or any of the drama that had happened back at home before they left, but she knew they needed to talk properly now, they couldn't put it off any longer, they were already on dessert.

Ricky must have read her mind, "Are you enjoying living in New York now that summer school is over and you have 2 weeks before college actually begins?"

"I love New York, it is amazing and it has been my dream since I was a child, but I miss things back home, things I thought I could deal with, things that I lied to myself about," she replied being quite evasive, not sure if she was ready to give the full and truthful answer.

"You mean John?" Ricky answered, but she looked at him and saw he didn't quite believe that was the only reason, "You sure there isn't any more to do with it," pushing her, and look at her with loving eyes.

"Fine, I missed you, I still have strong feelings for you, but it don't matter Ricky, you said you weren't in love with me and I'm not sure and as I said we both deserve that," she said sighing depressingly looking away from him, not wanting to make eye contact with him.

"Amy, I've missed you, more than I thought I would, I got scared, I lied, I am in love with you, I have barley slept this last month thinking about you. You are on my mind every single minute of every day. Every time a song about love come son you are the first thought in my head. I Love you! I am in love with you!" he admitted passionately.

She was speechless, how much had she wanted to hear that months ago, but now was he just saying that to get her back, she knew she loved him, maybe in love with him but she wasn't ready to admit that to herself yet let alone him.

"I hope you mean that Ricky I really do, or are you just saying that to get sex, I'm surprised you've lasted a month without it." She hissed, not really meaning it but scared of what she really felt, boy she was running away again, why did she say that She gazed at Ricky, and noticed he was hurt and shocked by what he had said ,"Ricky I didn't mean it like that, I do believe you but I don't know what I feel right now, I know I missed you, more than I thought I would but what about us can we really go back to what we were with me in New York and you in California?"

"If that's what you want then we will figure something out, you have an apartment, I could always move up here with John and Be with you or if you really wanted you could leave New York but Amy I wouldn't ask you to do that, this is your dream" she could hear he was speaking from his heart and meant every word of it. She felt a trickle roll down her face.

"You and I promised when we were together that we would be completely honest with each other, and to be honest we failed at that then. SO I want to o that now, I have had sex in the last month," Ricky admitted, blurting it out suddenly

AT that she almost slapped him, here he was declaring his love for her, but declaring his love for her. More streaks crossed her face, she was about to get up and leave when he continued.

"But that is how I knew I really loved you and I had lied to you. It was Clementine; I was hurting she really wanted me and it just happened but let's just says it won't be happening again." He expressed

"Why, wasn't it good?" she scoffed still not making eye contact with him.

"No it wasn't. Not because she wasn't good but it was because my heart wasn't in it and I said your name," he said quietly looked away obviously embarrassed.

Wait, did he just say he said her name. She looked at him with surprised but still didn't speak.

"Remember ages ago, when we talked about sex. Sex with you was more than just having fun it meant something to me, it made me feel loved but it was also something special between us and exciting and real, whereas I didn't feel like it this time. Sex use to be just that to me but you changed me; you made a relationship mean more to me than just sex. YOU helped me get emotionally invested in a relationship and you healed me, you made me better. I wouldn't be the man I am today without you. I am grateful for that. I am in Love with Amy Jeurgens! I want to be with you again, now or whenever you're ready. I'll wait. I don't care about how slowly things go because I believe one day I will be with you again," he professed powerfully and emotionally, getting quite loud and vigorous. She noticed other people starting to turn their heads and listening in

She could how much all this meant to him, from the painfully emotional and devoted expression on his face, she could almost hear his heart beating rapidly. He was looking at her obviously worried that eh had said to much or scared here again but more proud of himself for finally admitting it.

Before he could speak again she leapt forward and kissed him passionately. She had missed those lips. She became more engrossed, kissing him more, and locking her arms around his neck pulling him closer.

After a few minutes they found themselves sitting in the booth together with her head leaning on his shoulder, "Ricky, I do want to be with you, but I need to figure things out. I have 2 weeks before college officially starts, give me those to think it over and figure out what I want to do." She expressed hoping he would be fine with that.

She felt him kissed her on her forehead, "Whatever you decide will do. I will do anything to be with you."

"Thank you, Ricky," she whispered, leaning up to kiss him again

**Author's Note**

**Hope people like this chapter. I do have trouble thinking fo the right words to truly show the emotion and how they are saying it. Please review, let me know what you think.**

**Also do people think they should try and make things work in California or New York, I have heard people suggest both.**

**Also I am looking for a beta reader**


	5. Mad Situation

**Amy's POV**

As they sat in the back of the taxi, heading back to her apartment, things continued to get steamier. They had missed each other deeply and they were making up for lost time. She was surprised the Taxi drive didn't keep glancing back at the hot make out session that was going on, as she ran her fingers up Ricky's chest feeling his muscular body, getting more aroused by the second, kissing him more intently. She realised how much she missed this, not just the making out but the deep sense of an emotional and caring connection between the 2 of them. She loved Ricky, she knew that but she was still scared, she was only 18 for goodness sake, should she really be considering settling down and staying with one man for the rest of her life, that was what made her leave him in the first place.

The make out session stopped when she suddenly realised they were no longer moving, they had arrived back at her apartment. They awkwardly paid for the taxi and got out of the car, instinctively she grabbed Ricky's hand, then wished she hadn't thinking it was too soon but he didn't let go, instead he stopped and turned to face her, while they were still outside the building

"I had a great night Amy, I meant what I said, I'm willing to take this slow if you want to, and all I need is you. It's all I ever needed. I know what I use to be like but we don't have to do anything tonight. I said I would give you a couple of weeks to decide what you wanted and where to go. I don't want to push you."

"Boy, you have changed," she laughed teasing him slightly, putting her arms around his neck "What happened to the boy who was always trying to have sex with me when we first started going out."

He stared deeply into her eyes, "He grew up, because of you!" Ricky said passionately, leaning into to kiss her again, which she greatly reciprocated then pulled away looking up at him, then standing on her tip toes to whisper in his ear, "I want you," she said seductively.

The look in his eyes when she said that told her he wanted the same to, plus she could feel him pressed against her body.

**Ricky's POV**

He was so turned on by the time she said that; he couldn't have been more elated.

They raced up the stairs joking and giggling and he stood behind Amy as she was fiddling with the key in the lock, just as she unlocked it and was about to push open the door, he stroked her shoulder gently, making her turn around to look at him giving him his chance to kiss her again before they would be interrupted by Ben in the apartment.

He pushed her up against the door, using at as support as he lifted her up, opening his mouth for her tongue to meet his,

"Oh I love You Amy," he moaned while pecking at her neck, inching his way slowly down, grinding his body against hers.

"Come on Ricky let's get inside, the sooner we do the sooner we can get to bed."

When he heard that his sense suddenly came flooding back to him, pulling away he leaned against the further wall, stroking his sweating brow.

"Amy we shouldn't do this!" he groaned, annoyed with himself, he looked at her to suddenly see a confused and sadden look on her face.

"Wait what's wrong, I can see and feel how much you want me," she asked, "A year ago you would have jumped at the chance. Am I not sexy anymore?" she pouted miserably.

"Amy no you're the most sexiest girl in the world to me and of course I want you but as you said earlier you're confused about your feelings for me and I promised I would give you time, and I would not be the man that you helped me become if I didn't respect that and take advantage of you," he explained sadly.

Oh he wanted her so badly but he knew he was doing the right thing for both of them.

"You're such a gentleman, I wish I could say the words I know you want to hear, but right now I can't. Can you at least sleep next to me tonight? I want to be close to you."

"Nothing would give me more pleasure!" he smiled taking her hand and opening the door.

"Morning gorgeous," he grinned at her as Amy rolled over yawning facing him directly. He was propping his head up with his elbow.

"Morning to you to, I slept wonderfully knowing you were here right next to me again." Amy smiled, rolling close to give him a quick peck on the lips.

"We should get up Amy, John is probably already up in his room and We only have 5 hours until I need to be at the airport. Do you want to spend a couple of hours with John just by yourself today?"

"Yeah I'd love that, then do you want to grab a quick bite for lunch and then go to the airport, is it okay if I catch the Taxi with you, to drop you off?"

"Of course, the more time I get to spend with you the better," he told her softly, kissing her again then hopping out of bed to head to the bathroom.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Amy's POV<strong>

It was time to say goodbye. They were sitting in the Taxi busy chatting and joking when they Taxi pulled up at the departure terminal drop off bay; John sat to her right clutching her hand like he wasn't willing to let go.

"Momma, Do not leave again, pwease."

"John, don't worry, I will never leave you," she explained gently to him, sitting him on her lap and giving him a hug. "I will always love you, but you need to stay with daddy okay, be brave for me please. Can you do that for mommy."

"Okway, mommy." She hugged him, holding him tighter not wanting to let go.

"Amy, I'm sorry we have to go," Ricky broke her from her goodbye to John.

"Yeah I know, I just might not see you again for a few weeks, promise me, you will call me when you get home safely."

"Don't worry, we will be fine I love you," he told her truthfully making her heartbeat faster as he leant in for one more kiss before getting out with John grabbing their bags and walking in to the bustling crowd giving her one final wave before disappearing from sight, leaving her in taxi tearing up as her 2 favourite boys left her alone.

As the taxi pulled out and began to drive away, she continued to cry as memories flashed through her mind bringing joy, love and sadness all to her.

_The first time he had kissed her at band camp when she said her lips were dry, she had felt something then maybe infatuation or a crush but as he said it could have been the start of something special and it was._

_The moment when she had told him that she loved him when he had promised to stay at her house for a month to take care of John._

_Ricky had booked a last minute flight just to come and see her in New York because he missed he. And that was the moment where things really had begun to develop for the 2 of them._

_The first date they had had together when they had held hand around the table with John and they had really felt like a family for the first time._

_The first time they had been together fully, the night that Adrian and Ben had lost their baby. That night she had realised how important it was to live in the present and seize the moment as you don't know what will happen the next day._

Wait what was she doing, she knew she loved was in love with Ricky. Why the hell was she lying to herself and him, for all she knew something could happen tomorrow? She had to tell him now but not over the phone.

"Excuse me taxi driver can you turn around, I got to do something," she announced, surprising herself with how confident she sounded

She hoped he hadn't passed the security yet otherwise it would be impossible to find him.

As the taxi pulled up again at the terminal, she dashed out handing the taxi driver some money, before sprinting off to find him. She ran to the check in line where he would have gone but he wasn't there. On no please don't tell me I have missed him, she thought.

She was panicking now, had she missed her chance, and she hastily rushed to the security gate hoping he was queuing up and not already gone.

As she arrived at the gate, where the queue was formed she ran around scanning it but couldn't see him or John anywhere, in desperation she bellowed at the top of her voice, "RICKY!"

No answer came, she had missed her chance and turned to leave, saddened and depressed, her eyes starting to bubble with tears. Walking despondently away from the gate heading to the exit, she then heard something that made her heart grow 2 sizes.

"Looking for someone beautiful?" asked a voice that she recognised and knew the voice that she loved.

She spun around to see him standing there, John in one hand like a knight in shining armour.

Flinging herself into his arms and hugging him tightly, so elated that he was still here she said the words she wished she had said so many times before.

"I am in love with you Ricky," she hissed in his ear softly, "I have been in love with you for so long, but I was scared of my feelings I'm so young, we're so young. I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner," she apologised still holding him as they shared a kiss.

"I Knew, Amy, or I suspected but you needed time, I'm just glad you said it now, We got to go though , our light leaves soon and John and I need to get through security. I love you and I will call you when we get back home, I promise," Ricky assured her grinning; they kissed once again before Ricky pulled away with John and joined the queue.

She watched them until they disappeared behind the barrier waving them goodbye, for once she wasn't sad that they were leaving just happy that she had finallytold Ricky how she felt.

* * *

><p>She was still in a joyous spirit when she got home a couple of hours later and was having dinner with Ben, when her phone started ringing.<p>

That must be Ricky she thought, but then she realised it was too soon, he would only have just landed about 45 minutes ago, maybe he was ringing before driving home to let her know she had landed safely, but when she picked up her phone to answer she could see it was an unknown number.

Curious she slid her finger across the screen and answered it.

"Hello who is this?" she questioned, standing up and walking into the kitchen, Ben could still see here from where he was sitting on the couch but couldn't hear.

"Hello is this Amy Jeurgens, this the Californian Police Department."

"Yes, I am Amy, What's happened, why you are ringing?" she asked quietly biting her lip with anxiety, shaking with nerves, why would the police in California be calling her.

"As you may know you are one of the emergency contacts for one Ricky Underwood and John Jeurgens, and it is with my deepest regrets that I must inform you that they are both in hospital from a car crash that happened earlier this evening."

At that her legs crumpled beneath her from the shock, she hit the floor hard, tears streaking down her face, she tried to talk into the phone, but her voice had suddenly disappeared and she beginning to be able to only see blackness, the last thing she saw was ben rushing over and picking up the phone.

**Author's Note**

**Hope everyone is enjoying it, Thank you everyone who has reviewed, please follow or favourite and review. Any suggestions of comments are gladly welcomed **

**Do people think they should make it work in New York or California, next chapter will decide which place they stay in.**

**I am also looking for a beta read**


	6. Keep Holding on

**Amy's POV**

Her eyes opened groggily, she couldn't quite see here surrounding, her vison had gone blurry. Squinting she saw Ben Rushing around, he had 2 large suitcases with him by the door.

"Ben what happened, the last thing I remember is I was dreaming that Ricky had been in a car crash with John," she cried out still struggling to get up from the couch where she found herself lying.

Ben looked around obviously startled to see her up, then the look in his eyes scared her, she had last seen that look from him when he had lost Mercy.

"no, No, NO, **NO, NOOOOO,** tell me it isn't true Ben, tell me they weren't in car crash," she whimpered sorrowfully, begging Ben desperately to tell her it wasn't true, even though she already knew, she just couldn't admit it to herself.

She sunk onto the couch, her makeup now fully ruined from the tears, she looked like a mess and Ben still hadn't said anything but he ran over to her and gave her a consoling hug, holding her tight.

"Amy we must go, I spoke to police when you fainted, they are both alive. Ricky is going into surgery and John is okay just a bit scratched up, I have booked a flight for both of us, but we must leave now," explained Ben trying to be consoling but he didn't know what words to say.

At that, knowing they were alive, a glimmer of hope sparked inside her otherwise cold miserable heart.

"You don't have to come with me Ben," she said, not sure if she wanted him there after all they ahd been through together.

"Yes I do, you were there for me and Adrian when Mercy died, I will be here for you as a friend, I'm not leaving you alone Amy, you need a friend right now."

She couldn't speak, she mouthed thank you at him, and the fell into his arms crying.

"Don't worry Amy, everything will be all right, my dad will send a driver to meet us at the airport, I have spoken to your parents they will be at the hospital waiting and will telephone Ricky's parents, come one we must go." he told her sadly, grabbing her by the shoulder and leading her out the door with the 2 suitcases he had packed.

* * *

><p>Both of them had sat in silent on flight, Ben had had a comforting arm around her all the ways while she wept into his shoulder. She kept remembering all the happy times Ricky and her had had which made her cry even harder, she couldn't lose him, not after finally finding each other again and truly admitting their feelings for one another, we were going to be a family again.<p>

Leo, Camille and Chloe were all waiting for them when they landed.

"Amy, I am deeply sorry to hear about Ricky, we have a car waiting, we will be at the hospital in less than an hour," said a welcoming Leo, giving her a comforting hug in his big strong arms. She had always liked Bens father he had always been kind to her even after Ben and her broke up.

"Thank you Leo," she replied quietly still barley able to speak she just didn't feel like it.

They walked together to the large car Leo had waiting for them, she didn't pay much attention to them on the journey, just staring out the window gloomily not really caring about what was going on around her.

She vaguely heard Ben and Chloe talking about New York, she hadn't spoken to Chloe much before but she seemed to be a nice girl but from a troubled and horrible background.

* * *

><p>When they arrived at the hospital she ran immediately without waiting for Ben or anyone else, she saw her parents waiting for her along with Nora, Margret and Sanjay.<p>

"Are they okay, what happened, please tell me their okay," she asked urgently, looking straight at her mum and dad, before even saying hello.

Margret was the first to speak, she looked shaken, "Ricky is still in surgery, a piece of metal puncture his left leg narrowly missing a major artery, and piece hit him in the side of his chest but they wouldn't tell us how badly. He has at least 2 broken ribs, which may have caused internal bleeding which they are trying to stop. His right arm has been broken in 2 places and he his has lost a finger on his left which they can't reattached. That is all we know so far,"

She looked around at everyone, seeing all their distraught faces, she didn't quite know what to say, her tears had dried up but she was still shaking nervously, afraid of what might happen to Ricky, "And John," she whispered, apprehensively

"He's okay he's in a room resting, he's a bit scratched up and bruised and extremely shaken. The police said that Ricky took the full brunt of the hit as it came in from front on the driver's side, where as John was sitting at back on the passenger side, that was why he luckily escaped relatively un scathed, he's been asking for you," explained her father, stepping forward to give her a consoling hug, soon joined by Anne, Nora, Sanjay and Margret.

She started tearing up again so turned away trying to be strong she didn't want her parents to see her like this, wiping her face with her sleeve, she asked her parents to lead her to John's room.

As she opening the door quietly she saw her little angel lying on the bed, she couldn't tell whether he was sleeping or not. That was quickly answered when he rolled over and saw her standing there and then burst into tears,

"Momma, I'm sorry mommy," he sobbed, burring his face into the pillow.

"John, you have done nothing wrong, it was the other drivers fault," she rushed over the bed sitting down next to it and stroking his head. "You daddy is going to be fine don't worry, you'll see. I'm so proud of you John, you have been so brave I hear."

"It is my fauwlt, I was tawlking to dadda, he was not looking at the road." John continued to weep into the pillow.

She lifted him gently up and pulled him on his lap, where he curled up into a ball.

"John, darling, you did nothing wrong, go to sleep, it is safe now I'm here.", she soothed, trying not to cry, trying to be brave for her son. They both drifted off to sleep together.

* * *

><p>The next thing she knew she was being gently shaken awake by her Mom and dad. She looked at her watch only a couple of hours had passed.<p>

"He's out of surgery if you want to see him," her mother said softly giving her a kiss on the cheek, "Margret said she would watch John while you see him."

She nodded silently, gently lifting John off her and onto the bed tucking him in. As they walked through the corridors she suddenly broke down full of emotion that she had been bottling up inside since she arrived at the hospital. She slumped again the wall with her hands in her head, "I can't do this," she wailed, "I needs to be strong for John but I can't bear to go and see Ricky in the state he is going to be in, I love him, we got back together in New York, we were going to be a family again, now this happened, will he even be the same afterwards, Jack wasn't when he got badly injured, will Ricky be."

Her dad crouched down next to her, "You can still be a family, I know Ricky, I knew he was really in love with you, I'm just glad he finally told you before this. Your right he might not be the same afterwards but either way he is going to need you there, right next to him to make it easier for him to recover, you're going to have be strong kiddo, I know you can be! I've seen you cope with so much over these past few years, more than a girl your age should have had to. They say Ricky will recover and I know he will do better with you right by his side. Keep holing on okay; we'll be there for both of you. Both of you are not in this alone okay."

That speech somehow stirred something in her, she got up and embracing both of her parents, then she follow them suddenly with new found strength and will, towards Ricky's room.

She opened the door to reveal him lying his bed obviously sleep or under a lot of drugs, his right arms was help up in a sling above the bed in a cast, so was his left leg which was heavily bandaged above the knee. Fluids hung up on the stand next to him pumping into him, she had been told he had lost quite a bit of blood. She walked over to his head, kissing hem gently on his forehead and whispered in his ear, "Don't worry Ricky, I'm here now, I will always be here with you. I love you.", she took hold of his left hand, remembering he had lost 2 fingers, she could feel where it should have should have been, his ring finger now ended at the knuckle. She ran her hand over the bandages suddenly thinking that would be wear he use to wear his wedding ring, and could never where one there again.

She pulled their chair closer to his bed sitting down and still firmly grasping his hand she lay her eha don the bed next to his and drifted off to sleep, but not before saying to him "You're not alone, together we stand, I'll be by your side, forever and always!"


	7. Get it Right

**Amy's POV**

For 2 days Ricky had slept under the influence of the pain and drugs that were being pumped through his system, but he was finally beginning to regain consciousness, she could feel him squeezing her hand as held it tight not want to let go, she was wanting him to wake up fully to be able to tell him her decision. The decision she had hoped would help them be able to get It Right this time.

Although her mum wasn't completely happy with her decision she had chosen to respect it, she remembered telling them earlier today what she had decided.

_Flashback_

"_Amy, are you sure you have thought this through. Going to New York for college has been your dream since you were a kid," her mother said exasperated that she would be considering, "Remember how emotional it was for you to leave here, do you really want to go through that again if you realise you made a mistake."_

"_Mom, dreams change, sure I love it in New York but not as much as I love it here being with Ricky and John, it took me leaving to New York for a month to realise that, I can transfer to a college here, any way Ricky is going to need some help for the next few months, he's not going to be able to take care of John on his own," she pointed out refusing to budge on her decision_

"_But Amy I want to make sure you are doing this for the right reasons, are you doing it for you, because you really are in love with Ricky, or are you doing it because you feel guilty for leaving Ricky to look after John and now he has been in a car crash you think it is your duty to love Ricky and come home and take care of him and John, " her mother argued back, " I just don't want you to make a wrong decision then end up resenting Ricky because of it."_

_Before she could say something back, her father butted in, "Anne this is her decision, and honestly I think she is doing the right thing. I wasn't happy about her leaving for New York but all in all I'm glad she did for the short time, because it gave her time to realise what things really mean the most to her," he said, then turned to Amy, "I am proud of you for making this decision, but your mum is right as well, you want to be doing this for the right reasons not just because Ricky got in a car crash."_

_She took a moment to think before answering," I am doing this for me as well as Ricky, I realised before he left New York that I was in love with him, I told him so before he got on the plane. I am coming home and that is my final word on the subject," she declared firmly before turning around to head back to Ricky's room._

_Flashback ends_

As she continued thinking about her decision which she was still pleased with she heard Ricky stir next to her, turning around she noticed his eyes opening slowly, squinting at the bright lights in the room.

She jumped up in hope and excitement that he was finally waking up, she ran outside to call for a nurse then immediately rushed back to Ricky's side.

"Ricky can you hear me, I'm here for you," she said desperately hope he would say something back, "Your in hospital, you were in a car crash, please Ricky answer me," she begged pleaingly still holding his hand and stroking his head gently.

But nothing came, his eyes continued to open and close and then she felt her hand being squeezed again but still no voice, she was about to sit down again giving up hope of him waking up from his drug and pain induced sleep today when, a sound murmured from his mouth.

"uhhh…"

She leant down getting closer to his face, tears of happiness rolling down her face praying that he was waking up.

"Ricky, you okay?" she asked nervously not sure if she would get an answer.

"Hey beautiful," a voice said into her ear," sorry I didn't call you when I got home, got a bit held up,"

She looked at him grinning back but could see that the laughing was making him tense up hurting him, she could hear the pain he was feeling when he spoke.

"That's okay, I forgive you, I love you Ricky, now and forever," kissing him on the lips and letting ti linger as he kissed back obviously missing that contact with her. They were interrupted though when a nurse coughed behind them at door.

She flushed, pulling away from Ricky but still keeping hold of his left hand, not ready to leave him so soon after him waking up.

A few hours later, the nurses and doctors had all been in doing checks and had announced that he could leave hospital the next day but he would need bed rest for the next few days and wouldn't be able to do much walking on his leg for a few weeks until healed, as well with his ribs and broken arm still healing he would be in pain for as many weeks ahead not just physical though the doctors had warned her, a car crash like this might have a traumatic side effect in Ricky's mind.

The police had also been to talk to him, to take his statement and would announce their investigation conclusion by the end of the week, but that didn't matter for now she was just pleased to have Ricky back and be home finally.

She was now on her way back to hospital after picking up John from Margret's and Sanjay's house. She had left Ricky alone for the doctors to check in and so Nora could see her son, Margret and Sanjay were going to stop by alter that evening when she left to take John back home with her.

He was bouncing with joy, in his car seat in the back, obviously looking forward to seeing his daddy again awake.

"JOHN, stop that, did you hear what I said," she asked loudly trying to concentrate on the road as well as keep an eye on John.

She saw him in the rear view mirror shake his head with a mischievous grin on his face.

"John, listen, daddy is still in a lot of pain, so be careful when you hug him, don't jump on him okay. He is still very tired and hurt, do you understand?" she asked again, speaking clearly.

"Yes mommy" he nodded then continued bouncing up and down in his seat.

She just smiled to herself and continued driving, she still had to tell Ricky that she was not going back to New York, and hopefully he would be happy with her decision. Why wouldn't he be, she was staying with him and John to become a family again.

* * *

><p>As she arrived at the hospital she saw Ben waiting with her dad in the waiting room,he was obviously there to speak to her.<p>

"John do you want to go with granddad to see daddy, I have to talk to Ben okay," she let go of John's hand, as her father took hold it showing John the way to see his father.

When they had gone Ben turned to her, "You're not coming back to New York are you?" he asked quizzically, she suspected he already knew the answer.

Shaking her head, she answered, "No afraid not Ben. New York isn't for me anymore. not right now anyway. I need to be here, hell, I want to be here, I've missed here," she explained wistfully."

"I understand why you're doing this. As a friend thought nothing more," he assured her holding up his hands defensively before carrying on, "I want make sure you're not making a huge mistake and will regret this later."

"Ben, I won't, you need to stop worrying about be like you use to, we're over remember. I appreciate your concern, really I do, but the mistake I regret is leaving for New York in the first place, sure I loved New York but I left John and Ricky. The 2 people I treasured most in this world. If I hadn't been in New York Ricky wouldn't have flown out o see me, he wouldn't have been driving back from the airport which means he wouldn't be lying in a hospital bed, bandged up with broken bones and a missing finger." She breathed heavily suddenly aware she was falling apart in the aiting room with everyone looking at her.

Ben rushed to comfort her and she immeditaly accepted his warmth, tears now running down her cheeks.

"It was not your fault, don't ever think that, It was the drunk driver's fault," he assured her, patting her gently on the back.

She pulled away wiping away the tears with her sleeves but you could still see the streak marks down her face, "Thanks Ben, I know it wasn't my fault but somehow I feel partly responsible. Anyway I assume your heading to the airport, thank you Ben for being there for me, I know it must have been hard for you to do that."

"It was no problem, as I said I'm just a friend and here if you need me," giving her one last hug goodbye before walking out of the hospital.

* * *

><p>"Amy are you sure that is what you want?"<p>

Ugh she thought, her dad had just taken John out of the room to the toilet and so she could tell Ricky what she had decided, and now he had asked her the same question, everyone else had been asking her and she was getting sick of it. Of course it was what she wanted to do, she chose it didn't she, can't they just see that, she though annoyed.

"Yes, is it what you want?" she assured him looking him lovingly, trying to sooth the annoyance rising inside her at his question.

"More than I anything, I would love you to came and live with me again but New York was your dream, I don't want you to resent me for that later, also I don't want you to feel like you have to take care of me because of what has happened, if you want to stay In New York, after I am healed me and John can move to stay with you," Ricky explained trying to be gentle and not agitate her.

"Ricky, New York was my dream, was past tense. You, John, and being with you as a family, is my dream now. It took me time fulfilling my past dream to realise that. I am in love with you, if you hadn't got in this car crash I would still want to move back because I love you," she repeated the last phrase making it sink in.

"Okay."

"Okay, you not going to argue anymore," she asked confused, finally siting down after pacing the room agitated.

"Amy, why would I argue, if it what you want and it what I want, I just wanted to make sure, I can hear that in your voice, I'm just happy to have you back. Hopefully this time we will get it right."

"We will, because this time we are sure of our feelings," she smiled down at him grinned in pain, leaning down and kissing him, she knew deep down in her heart that this was right and they would get it right this time. She knew it.

**Author's Note**

Hope everyone is enjoying the story, please let me know if you are reading it and want me to continue reviews inspire me.


	8. Her Man

**Amy's POV**

Today was the day, he was leaving the hospital and they would be officially living together again, it had been weird staying the apartment above the butchers last night with just john. she was so use to sleeping with Ricky on that sofa bed, she hadn't felt right without Ricky there to curl up next to that she had barely got any sleep.

She was walking in to the hospital now after just dropping John off at day care, they were glad to have him back, after his few days absent, she couldn't imagine why she smiled, he always seem to drive them crazy.

Strolling down the corridors towards Ricky's room, she noticed in the distance someone leaving Ricky's room, as she got closer she recognised whom it was and anger and fear bubbled up inside her. What was she doing here? Of course she was still trying to get together with Ricky, she thought even after Ricky had told her no after accidently sleeping with her.

"Oh hi Amy, it's a surprise seeing you here?" said Clementine suddenly noticing Amy when she almost bumped into her, because she was stood staring daggers at her.

"What do you mean a surprise, not really, since I have been here every day since Ricky has been in hospital, you only just bothered to show up," she shot back at her trying to control the rage fizzing inside her.

"Well, I only just heard, Jack told me, otherwise I would have been by his side sooner, maybe you don't know but when you left him he came to me for comfort," Clementine smirked, grinning maliciously thinking she had just told her a secret.

"I do know that, I also know that he called out my name and he told you that there was nothing between you 2 and there never could be, because he is still in love with me and for your information, we are back together and are going to stay like that now and forever," she snapped getting the right emotional response she wanted from Clementine, she looked horrified and offended obviously fighting back tears.

"Yeah well he is only with you because you were a slut and got yourself knocked up on your first time to keep him, he then realised you were such a prude, do you really think just because he has been in a car crash he would take you back stretch marks and all,"

Clementine almost didn't finish by the time her hand found her cheek, leaving a bright read mark on Clementine's face, making her storm off tears still rolling down her face.

She then rushed to Ricky's room desperately wanting to know what had happened in there.

Forcefully shoving the door open, she marched in to see Ricky sitting up in bed, looking rather enraged.

"Oh I thought it was going to be her again, it's good you came a bit later, you just missed Clementine trying to persuade me to give her and me another chance," Ricky explained, making her heart beat faster, what had he said.

"What did you say?" she asked quietly anxious of the answer.

**Ricky's POV**

How could she ask that, what does she think he said, does she really think he would just leave her for Clementine after he had repeatedly told her that he was in love with her no one else.

"What do you think I said?" he almost laughed, the rage going away at the thought of how stupid that question seemed, "I told her to leave me alone, that I was in love with you and always will be because of what you have done for me and how you make me feel!"

"Really, it's just you know how insecure I get with you and other girls because of how you use to be, and you've been with so many girls and I've only ever been with you, I just feel like you will occasionally want something different," Amy sighed crossing her arms still not taking a seat, "I love you Ricky and I believe you are in love with me to but I'm just scared after everything you have been through with the car crash, that you won't do something to hurt our rekindled relationship."

Still lying on his bed, as he still couldn't stand on his own without support from a crutch or someone's support, he held his good arm out asking Amy to take it pulling her to sit on the bed right next to him, "I promise you, that that guy I was before has gone, and that's because of you! I never told you something I said to Adrian once when she was trying to convince me to leave you for her. She said you would never understand me like she did, I simply replied I didn't want you to understand me, I wanted you to change me and you have for the better." He noticed her eyes had started to swell up; he gently stroked her hair with his left hand letting the hair fall through the gap where his ring finger use to be, it still felt weird having a gap there. "Amy you changed me, I hated the guy I was before. I can never thank you enough for making me realise the man I can be, without you I would probably have continued on the same dead beat path I was before, but you and John gave me something to live for and to change for. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I never want to lose you again. The last month while you were in New York was more painful for then this car crash. I am in love with you now and forever!" he pronounced sincerely, kissing her passionately as she grabbed his head pulling him closer.

After a couple of minutes he pulled away when a knock at the door sounded, to their surprise it was Mr Boykevich.

"Sorry I wasn't interrupting anything was I? I wanted to talk to you both about something, George mentioned you were being let out today, he also mentioned to me that the doctors were concerned for your healing as you live on the first floor and have sleep in a sofa bed."

"Yeah," he said the doctors had told him he would have trouble walking on his own for the next few months and with his arm broken in a couple of places he couldn't use crutches effectively, but they had nowhere else to stay since Anne had sold Amy's old home and there was not much room at Georges house with Kathleen and anyway those bedrooms were on the top floor as well which was the problem in the first place, "What did you want to talk about.?"

"I was just thinking since you know I have a rather large house and with Ben away, our house is quieter than normal, you can say no but There are a couple of guest bedrooms on the ground floor right next to each other which aren't being used, you 2 and John are more than welcome to stay with us while Ricky heals, There will also always be someone at the house like staff so if there is an emergency or issue, there will be help."

"OH my thanks Mr Boykevich but we couldn't intrude you have already done so much for us!" he hastily said looking at Amy seeing if she agreed and she nodded along.

"Don't be silly, I care about you both a lot, you have been there for ben a lot when he needed it, and I'm just doing the same. Look talk about it and let me know." and with that he exited leaving both of them shell shocked.

Amy looked at him, her mind obviously battling with the information, "It would be good for you, You know to heal quicker, sleep on a proper bed not have to be helped up stairs, you can even use that wheelchair there that the hospital have provided you with for a bit."

"Won't it be weird thought, I just feel like he has done more than enough for me, I hate taking charity you know me."

"Ricky, he offered, it will only be from a couple of months, let's take it, it will be nice to have some space again," she smirked looking him up and down giving him a cuddle.

"Okay, you go let him know and then we will leave to our temporary new home," he smiled pecking her on cheek but then wincing in pain as she had accidently touched his bandaged ribcage.

**Author's Note**

Thank you to people who have followed and favourited my story and to the people whom have review it, I really appreciate it please continue to do so.

Let me know what you think.


	9. Everything has changed

**Amy's POV**

It had been 2 weeks since Ricky had got out of hospital, he had seemed fine at first, cherry and smiling, but she had been warned by doctors that there could be long term physiological affects that no one could predicts, he warned her that car crashes and near death experiences change people.

After that talk she had worried how he would be in the car on the journey to the Boykevich's but he had remained calm and had shown no sign of panic or nervousness. The only trouble he had was getting in and out of the car with his injured leg that he couldn't put much weight on and his broken right arm. She had though things would go back to normal then after the car journey went smoothly, they had dinner all 3 of them as a family again and went to bed.

It wasn't till the second night she realised that everything had changed and that Ricky might be burying his feeling s down again when she was shaken awake by his muttering and thrashing next to her, she sat up to find him tossing and turning, shouting out phrases that she didn't quite understand then suddenly he let out a blood curdling scream. She had had to shake him awake, while holding his hand tightly and holding him close saying "Shssh, Ricky, wake up, it's only a dream, I'm here, we are in bed, everything is fine."

That night had scared her because she was used to seeing Ricky so strong and defiant and to see him in such a weak and emotional state frightened her, it meant he had really been affected for all his walls he had put up, to be broken that easily. It had happened a few other times in the 2 weeks, apparently the nightmares all involved a car crash, some were flashbacks to his, others were where she was in the car and was killed or John was killed all while he was driving. She began to notice more changes in him but he had kept refusing to talk about it saying nothing was wrong, finally a few days ago she had finally convinced him to at least talk about it to someone if not her and he and booked a session with his old therapy teacher Lauren's father Ken.

She was here now waiting outside to pick him up, she was hoping he had made some progress, she wanted the old Ricky back, the guy she fell in love with who was kind, caring to her and John not the solemn, depressed man he become after the car crash. Even the news from the police that it was the other drivers fault who turned out to be way over the alcohol driving limit did nothing to help Ricky extinguish the responsibility he felt for his son nearly being badly hurt or dying in a car crash when he was driving. The insurance and the court were in the final stages of the investigation and ruling but there could be quite a large sum on of money coming their way for compensation for Ricky's injuries.

But that didn't matter now all that mattered was that Ricky came back to his old self!

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><p><strong>Ricky's POV<strong>

As he was wheeled out in his wheelchair that he had uses while outside the house for the moment, well at least until he was fully able to walk unaided. Therapy had gone well; it had been weird being in that chair after so long but Amy was right she he needed to talk to some but he couldn't tell her how he felt not yet, It had been good getting it all of his chest but how was he supposed to explain to Amy that he couldn't lose her again. That was why he had been so distance and quiet to her these last 2 weeks, he didn't want to get to close to her in case he lost her like she almost loft him during the car crash. He didn't want to go through that pain again of thinking that John had died. When the car first crashed he had called out John, but no answer and he couldn't move to see him that was when he thought he had killed his son and then he passed out from the pain. Ken had convinced him that he couldn't go through life distancing himself from everyone he cares about because he is worried he could hurt them or they could hurt him. Ken had said something that resonated with him, saying "Amy chooses to be with meaning she knows the risk, You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world but you have some say in who hurts you. She has chosen you, you have chosen her, There are always risks, that's life. Just because you are distancing yourself from her doesn't mean you won't get hurt if something happens to her or the other way around."

He knew it was time stop be loving again, to talk to her and open up but still couldn't get the horror of the car crash out of his mind but it was thanks to Amy that he was able to sleep at all. When he lay with her arms wrapped around him he felt safe and he hoped she felt the same way.

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><p>They were back at the Boyekevich mansion and Amy was busy putting John to bed after dinner, he was planning to talk to Amy in bed tonight night first he needed to talk to someone who had lost a partner, someone with experience whom he looked up to. Slowly walking through the various rooms using the one crutch he could hold to support him, as he limped to the study door and quietly knocked.<p>

"Come in," said a deep voice on the other side.

He struggled with the door for a second before finally opening it.

"Ah Ricky, you okay, I heard you went to therapy today, how did it go," Ben's father asked obviously concerned.

"That was sort of what I wanted to talk to you about ,Mr Boyekevich," he replied nervously knowing he was about to ask a personal question.

"Sure son, I told you I am always here if you need dot talk, what do you want to ask, and I've told you call me Leo," Leo replied point to the extra seat inviting him to sit down.

"Thank you, Mr ….. Leo" he said awkwardly, "I am sorry if this is personal you can say no but I wanted ask you about your first wife, You loved her right with all your heart."

"Yes deeply, I still do, I will always love her till the day I die. It wounded me and Ben deeply when she passed away."

"I can sort of imagine how you must have felt, when the car initially hit me, I thought I had lost John because he didn't speak or make a sound, I thought he was dead. My question is knowing how much her death hurt you, if you could go back in time and not fall in love with her would you so you wouldn't be hurt?" he asked seriously, being very careful with the phrasing.

Leo looked down at the floor for a moment before looking back at him, for a second eh was worried he had crossed the line but then he spoke, "I have wondered that same thing since, but no I wouldn't change anything because that time I spent with her gave me so much, it gave me Ben and it gave me so many amazing memories that I will take to grave with me. I would not exchange those few years I had with her for a lifetime without."

At that mention he smiled "Thanks Leo, that's what I wanted to hear, Thank you for telling me that."

"It was my pleasure; I hope everything is okay with you and Amy. Good night Ricky."

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><p><span><strong>Amy's POV<strong>

They were sitting up in bed, Amy was just on her laptop finishing an email to Ben, letting him know how things were going, when a hand reached a cross and shut the laptop.

"Hey, what was that for," she asked indignantly.

"I wanted to talk to you, Ben can wait.

"What did you want to talk about?" she asked, wondering if he was about to open up to her.

"I just want to apologise, for being so moody, depressed and distant from you lately, you have done nothing but care for me and Johns since you got back and I feel bad for it. I love you Amy, nothing will ever change that. I want to go back to the man I was before the accident but it will take some time, but with you I know anything is possible. I will try and be open with you again but it may take time, can you give me that?" Ricky requested pleadingly.

"I love you too, Ricky, I'm just glad that you're okay, take all the time you need but please don't shut me out, put as much weight as you need on my shoulders. You've always been there for me, it is my time to be there for you, just let me in!"

She leant in stroking his hair gently and kissing him.

With that kiss she knew everything was going to be okay, her Ricky was coming back.

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><p><strong>Author's note:<strong>

**Sorry i have not updated for a while, I have been on holiday and had a few personal issues, also my laptop has been playing up and I may need to take it in for repair, so don't be alarmed if I don't post for a few weeks. And yes I know I put a quote from fault in our stars in here but I couldn't resist.**


	10. One

**Amy's POV**

College had finally started, over the summer she had transfer to the one Ricky went to which meant they could spend more time together. They were finally finding each other again, the only thing that was in the way was that Ricky was still slightly depressed he couldn't do anything, he was still healing, he couldn't come back to college yet or go to work. He was such an independent person and he was getting stressed that she had been taking care of everything for him, when it is usually the other way around. In some ways it was good to at college with her friends again, Grace, Lauren and Madison were all going as well. It was good to have some time away from Ricky.

She loved spending time with him but it he was getting quite annoying lately obviously the frustrating feeling of lying there was getting to him. She always so missed begin with him intimately, as they hadn't done anything since getting back together partly due to Ricky's injury, but maybe there was some part of them who were still finding each other, they had agreed to take things slow, but maybe she was ready for that again.

It was late, Friday evening, she had just finished her new job, waitering in a coffee shop for a few hours straight after college, much to the frustration of Ricky. His mum had been picking John up from Nursery and dropping him off ,to Ricky when she was working, but it did mean they did not have much time to themselves which they desperately needed right now as they were still finding each other again.

**Ricky's POV**

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><p>His leg wound was finally healing and he could now hobble around the house using a crutch as support, he could even go outside for short walks. It meant he was able to stuff again, help cook dinner or put John to bed and he loved that, He hated feeling helpless, after what he went through as a child he never wanted to feel helpless again.<p>

He heard the door open and his birth mother Nora walked with John trailing behind her.

"Daddy", John shouted with excitement, when he saw him standing there, running to his father nearly knocking him off his unsteady feet.

"Whoah buddy, were you good for your grandmother," he asked, slowly leaning down to give john a one armed hug.

John just smiled and nodded, then cheekily ran to his bedroom in the Boykevich's house.

"How are you Ricky, how's the arm and the leg?" Nora asked him obviously concerned.

"Arm's healing slowly leg is feeling stronger every day, soon I should e babel to get back to college and back to work, I hate resting half the day. I want to be out doing stuff, or playing ball with my son, bot lying on my arse watching movies. I's so frustrating." He moaned, punching the table with the good arm then immediately regretting it as he grimaced in pain.

"Ricky Don't push yourself to far, after all you've been through in your life you deserve rest, how are you and Amy?" Nora assured him, walking over to him to give him a hug.

"We're better, still trying to find our way back to where we were before the break up, but I am just so happy to back with her. She and John are best things that ever happened in my life and I wouldn't be who I am today without them," he admitted truthfully, thinking of how he was before John.

Nora smiled, "Ricky, I am so proud of the man you have become don't ever forget that"

* * *

><p>After they had had dinner, his mother had left, he and Amy were now sitting in bed together, Amy leaning up against his muscular body, with his good arm draped over her shoulder.<p>

"So how was your first week at college?" he questioned, gently brushing her hair out her eyes with his hand.

"Great, hard work, harder than high school, but I expected that, it was good to be with people I know again, unlike in New York. I wish you were there though" she said moving her head up to look at him. He met her lips with his, kissing her intently as she rolled over straddling his body.

"I've missed you," Amy moaned in his ear, as she pulled her top off, then grabbed his, sliding her arms underneath and feeling his muscular body.

Just as he was starting to get into he grabbed her hands, Amy are you sure?"

"Yes! I love you. You are the one"

They had found their way back into each other's arms.

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><p>Author's Note<p>

Just a short chapter, I have more ideas coming and more storylines. Hope everyone is enjoying it, please review


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